I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
