He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
