Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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