remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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