I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
