Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
