you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
