Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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