well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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