I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
