Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
