It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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