I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
