So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
