Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
