dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
