its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
