Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
