That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
