He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm just crazy horny about you
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
