Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
