no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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