Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
