I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
