North Korea, Best Korea!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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