How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
