This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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