Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
