I am spending my child support on dildos
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
