I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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