His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He's on the porch naked. Help.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
