If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
