i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
