I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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