Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
