Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
