she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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