I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
