Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
