I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
