we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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