Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
