At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
