Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
