Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
