Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
