Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
