You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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