I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
