I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
