i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
