Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
